Hops in Humboldt

After a batch 69 and seeing Uncle Steve crouch under the stage during "War Pigs" I knew I wouldn't regret Hops in Humboldt '11. It was my first year. Easily the best beer festival I've attended. Cheers.

Click on pictures for full resolution.

Crowds

 Toys

 Beers

Brewed and tattooed.

 Painterly crowds.

 Games.

 Devotion.

 Kids.

Sun.

Wedding, Pamplin Grove

The matrimony of Matthew and Maya began humbly, in a verdant redwood grove. Three of the best looking guests watch the ceremony.

But celebration and pageantry were inevitable.

Light stringers forged a glowing tableau.

Spin, spin.

The Groom.

Debauch.

A contingent of gypsies shared in revels.

 They howled at the river and swam in the moon.

T'was good.

California Dreamin'

Ahh.... post graduation ennui - what better time to indulge in thoughtless drinking and mindless leisure? Unfortunately, I can't afford that kind of luxury (I probably don't want it anyway) and so it's off on series of bus stops, wet days, she's there, I say. There's still plenty of thoughtless drinking. But I'm on vacation.

New bar, old tricks. After midnight in crime city. Drinking alone's no fun but somebody's gotta do it.

Delta girls know how to get down. Rowan's performing a signature dance move that's sure to make her a star. 

Antioch doesn't hide its classicism. Drink domestic or get the fuck out.

Starting early. That's early in the day and early in life.

Ratfink.

Not sure why I never realized Brett is Crispin Glover. That's a compliment, by the way.

Oh good.

Blushing bride. This girl...

The wedding singers. Mind is furry at this point.

BEHOLD, the quest for the shuffleboard table of the covenant is consummate. 

I shuffled .660 

Time for the majors. 

Shit. Do I go anywhere that doesn't serve drinks? Is this a campaign headquarters? Didn't get to find out. We got 86'ed.

I should have bought this shirt.

Oh! And I ate some food...

My Year of Nic Cage: Next

"Next" left me asking a lot of questions. First: how did they get Julianne Moore? She's totally slumming in this high-concept low-rent sci-fi Nic Flick.

Five writers couldn't make sense of a premise that Philip K. Dick introduced in "The Golden Man": a guy has the power to see a few minutes into his future. Nic Cage's Frank Cadillac uses this power for a meager living as a Vegas magician.

His ability is akin to keeping his thumb in the last page of a choose-your-own-adventure book. He can see what will happen, and if it doesn't work out for him, change his course of action. It's an interesting premise, but it's mostly used as a bad gag - like a series of misfired pickup lines until he gets it right.

Rather than explore the positives and negatives of this limited power, writer Gary Goldman and his team turn him into a cowardly superhero. At times he's heroic - he stops a casino robbery - but mostly he's slovenly and unmotivated. A bizarre cameo by Peter Falk suggests that Cage is committing petty crimes all the time - even though all the casino bosses and cops know who he is.

He's also chicken-shit, selfish and sort of pervy most of the movie. But when he decides to (or the writers need some punch-up), he takes out a small army platoon, walks through bullets and guides a SWAT team to victory. He's invincible but unapologetically lazy.

"Next" starts with two plot points: Nic Cage is having visions of a girl he doesn't know (which means he can see farther than the normal two minutes into the future when she's involved) and terrorists have a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles. Julianne Moore's FBI agent knows about Cage's power - though we have no idea how the FBI knows he's more than an act, or why they think he can help them if he can only see two minutes ahead.

Even more inexplicable is that the terrorist organization (whose only criminal motivation seems to be its collection of vaguely Euro-accents) also knows Cage has a secret power, so it's after him too. These terrorists are monitoring every move the FBI makes and are much more sophisticated than the feds - why are they bothering with Cage?

Cage convinces the piscine Jessica Biel to drive him to Flagstaff after "saving" her from her ex. Why she agreed to take him is inexplicable. Cage's motivation to get laid is much stronger than his motivation to save 8 million people. It's even more inexplicable that, after Moore tells Biel that the Feds and a terrorist cell are trying to capture Cage and that he's a manipulative sociopath, Biel still sides with him.

Yeah, OK.

The writers use other stupid tricks to remind viewers of Cage's power. When they get turned around by a mudslide (topical!), a construction worker tells Cage how to backtrack to a hotel. Before he can finish, Cage interrupts him with the name of the hotel. Later, the FBI is able to find Cage because the construction worker reported how weird it was that he finished his sentence. Like it's shocking that he knew the name of a hotel he just drove past. Or that he might be from the area. (Also, why didn't he turn around before he got to the roadblock if he knew it was closed?)

The FBI's shocking ineptitude is only matched by huge breaks in their reporting. Armed only with the knowledge that Cage left the diner with a woman, they scanned traffic light cameras in the area and spotted him in the passenger seat. Why can't they find hundreds of armed terrorists at the harbor?

The end is almost interesting, but I left with the realization that Cage's character barely finished the first stage of the hero's journey. It took an entire film for him to overcome his reluctance.

A necessity of high concept sci-fi is to make the rest of the film so utterly believable that the tweaked rules of the film universe are taken for granted. This is why "Inception" and "Children of Men" work so well, and why "Next" falters at nearly every step. If only its writers had some foresight.

Best Line: Cage (as Frank Cadillac): It helps if you don't speak right now.

Fun Fact: "Next" provides the still for that amazing eagle-hair photo.

Next
Nics - 2/10

Tsunami Warning Arcata, Humboldt County & West Coast

An 8.9 earthquake hit Japan tonight. See USGS seismic records here. The ensuing tsunami hit very rapidly. Footage here.

A tsunami warning is issued for much of the Pacific Rim.

This site shows current tsunami warnings. Enter your city and state.

California readers can find tsunami inundation zones at this website. Find out if your area is at risk.

Fast Cars

There are trailers for two auto-themed sequels on the IMDb homepage right now. Guess which one looks more tolerable.

Fast Five

Cars 2

They may both start with the same "futuristic text" sound, but Fast Five exudes far more action, heart, thrills,  humor and charm (thanks to Luda and The Rock) than Cars 2. Cars 2 matches with almost as many guns/explosions and two unfortunately contrived potty gags.

Cars was a misstep for Pixar. Cars 2 looks like a wreck.

We Have a Winner!

Congrats to Mikey Filmmaker, who won the 3rd Annual G Dazzle Oscar Contest - with 18 of 24 correct picks for the 2011 Oscars.

So Mikey... email me at auntie granty 2003 @ yahoo.com (no spaces) to talk about getting your prize.

Oscar Contest

It's time for the 3rd Annual G Dazzle Oscar Contest! Submit your predictions for the 2011 Academy Awards to win some totally (or moderately) awesome prizes and swag!

To win, simply submit your answers in the comments field below for EVERY category - The winner has the most correct picks out of all 24 categories.

REMEMBER: This isn't who you think should win - it's who you think will win. You don't even need to see the movies. There's no accounting for taste with the Academy!

Make sure you post under a specific name (no anonymous) so I can contact you if you win.

You can copy and paste the list below or type in your guess for each category.

Answers are due by NOON, Sunday, February 27. The awards ceremony begins at 5 p.m. that day.

Listen to The G Dazzle Theme Hour on KRFH.net at 5 p.m. PST for a round up of Oscar scores, songs and the year's should-have-beens.

Visit the official Academy website for more information. They also have a list of the nominees and a printable checklist.

Best Picture -

Actor in a Leading Role -

Actor in a Supporting Role -

Actress in a Leading Role -

Actress in a Supporting Role -

Animated Feature Film -

Art Direction -

Cinematography -

Costume Design -

Directing -

Documentary Feature -

Documentary Short -

Film Editing -

Foreign Language Film -

Makeup -

Music (Original Score) -

Music (Original Song) -

Short Film (Animated) -

Short Film (Live Action) -

Sound Editing -

Sound Mixing -

Visual Effects -

Writing (Adapted Screenplay) -

Writing (Original Screenplay) - 

As promised - Nic Cage Detritus

This up-do gets 10/10 Nics

More HSU Landscaping Annoyances

I took these last August. Not egregious, but I don't understand why they replaced old, self-sustaining trees with needy grass. And overwater it. Excess water was running from these median sprinklers onto the road at least a dozen foggy, humid days last summer.

Ugly HSU Landscaping

HSU's new residence halls are lovely - if you're into Midwest business-park aesthetics. But why stop at mediocre architecture when you can install one of the ugliest, most uninspired landscaping designs ever seen?

Read last semester's Lumberjack article about faculty member Pete Haggard's disgruntlement.

I'll be looking further into this project. In the meantime let me vent about the aesthetics.

Though I have to look at "it" every day on my way to school, please note - the HSU groundskeeping staff does not decide the landscaping design process, so they are even more unfairly burdened with maintaining this monstrosity.

[These are low quality phone pics, but the image quality probably glosses over the landscaper's faults - like beer goggles. Click on them for larger views.]

Oh nice. Gravel is one of least favorite ground coverings, especially paired with asphalt (my least favorite). Gravel is also uncontainable and the most skateboard-disagreeable substance on the planet. Sprinklers in these planters ran for most of the month of November.

Dead twigs. That's what I see. When every tree you plant is the same winter deciduous species (maybe the hawthorns the Lumberjack article spoke of? I thought they were sycamores when first planted), 5 months out of the year are a barren tundra.

"These trees might escape if we don't put them in cages."

Also, what's up with HSU planning putting obstacles in every nice, wide sidewalk they develop? I'll take trees over parking meters (B Street is a joke), but the goal should be to make it easier to walk to school. 

And that lawn is yellowing and sickly. Not sure if it's over/under-watered/fertilizered - but if you must put in lawn, don't plant grass that doesn't grow (duh).

The view accompanying your walk along the upcoming Harpst St. Parking Emporium.
Look for a surprise at :15!!!! [Sorry for the motion-sick inducing camera, but you get the point]

...Culminating in this truly inspired planter box. These wilting, pathetically arranged flowers are only outdone by the garish sprinkler heads. What beauty mine eyes behold! 

Let's take a quick glance at some other parts of HSU's campus - similarly manicured, but with a less totalitarian approach.

The steps leading up to Bret Harte House. Variety! Elevation! Color! Shapes! Texture! 

 A tiny planter in front of Bret Harte House. The plants are the ground cover. Sword ferns! I'm guessing that there are more species in this 4x6 foot space than the 6-acre housing project.

One of my favorite pathways at the university - between the library and Telonicher House. Yeah, the parking lot's ugly. And I'm generally not for lawns, but look at those maples and the narrowing perspective. Walking past that white rhododendron is like running a gauntlet of sensual aroma. 

Get a clue, HSU!

My Year of Nic Cage UPDATE

School started and now my leisure time is slipping away faster than this bottle of wine. I'm falling behind on My Year Of Nic, but I've managed to squeeze in two Nic Flicks.

'Crazy Eyes' Leto.

Lord Of War - An implausibly entertaining "biopic." LOW follows the "Blow" model of stuffing a trillion stories into one narrative. Is he a loving father, caring brother and devoted husband? Or is he a genocidal sociopath? Don't wonder. LOW is all about pretty African landscapes, Central Park skylines and badass motherf***ing weapons.

I should have hated LOW, but the only truly bothersome aspect is Jared Leto. He plays a sniveling cokehead like a sniveling cokehead (he puts "Requiem For a Dream" on his resume, obviously). But it was largely enjoyable. Ethan Hawke is great and Nic makes good use of his tough-but-distant family man.

Lord Of War
Nics - 5/10

Rumble Fish - OK, confession time. I have not seen "The Godfather." But am I qualified to write this? Of course!

My point is I'm not familiar with Coppola. Rumblefish is doggedly surreal. It enjoys playing with symbolism and a nearly experimental tone. Stewart Copeland provides a nifty soundtrack, even if it feels anachronistic. The whole film is a potpourris of distinct visual elements, but there's enough emotional charge and fine acting to make the narrative relatable.

Plus it's got an amazing cast - Matt Dillon and Mickey Rourke (both awesome), Diane Lane, Nic Cage (duh), Chris Penn, a super-young looking Larry Fishburne, Tom Waits, Dennis Hopper - RIP.

Rumble Fish - 1983 
7/10 Nics